Oh, home.
Ha. I'm not even sure how to begin writing on this topic. This place is such a dichotomy of feeling and emotion the entire time I spend here. I am in love with the majority of my family. My sister, brother and I grow closer with every single minute spent together. My nieces and nephews absolutely bring me more sincere happiness than I can ever truly imagine. My grandma is one of my all-time favorite people; she's pretty much me, but like, fifty years older. And to top it all off, my aunt is visiting from India. I have so many things to see joy in. So much to revel in and enjoy, and yet I find myself discouraged the remainder of the time.
My parents, though both people that I will love unconditionally for the rest of my life, are tough to deal with. My mom and I don't have anything resembling a "normal" mother/daughter relationship. Which is fine. I've truly come to terms with it. But it does begin to get a little wearing after a few days of the same thing. My dad, on the other hand, tends to not even bother. He just doesn't bother to even try spending time with me. Which, again, is fine. I promise it is. I've learned from all of this over the years that the relationship I have with my parents will be absolutely nothing like the one I have with my own children. And some part of me believes that, even though I don't have examples of good parenting in my own parents themselves, I've learned more out of that than I would have if I'd gotten the ideal parental units.
Most importantly, however, I've learned especially this break, the importance of relying entirely on the Lord for everything. It's something I've struggled with in my walk with Him because in all honesty, I've never had anyone to rely on before I knew the Lord. I relied on myself, I dealt with my problems on my own, I kept everything inside and I swallowed it into absolutely nothingness until it "went away". I never got a lesson on trusting God with everything. I'd only ever trusted myself. It has only been this past year that I have fully understood what it means to trust in the Lord with all of my heart. What a blessing that is! To KNOW that the God of the universe wants to deal with my problems, and not leave me alone to deal with them on my own! This probably sounds redundant to those of you who read this, but God's peace and the understanding that HIS path is the ONLY path has beyond blessed me so far this week. And what a thought; our trust in the Lord goes hand-in-hand with His path for us, which, if we are constantly striving to follow, gives us ultimate and unwaivering peace; that which passes all understanding.
Thank you, amazing Lord, for your provision and for your incredible and perfect paths for each and every one of your children. For peace. For patience and love that pours out on us all the time, which in turn gives us the ability to love those around us, even when it seems impossible. And God, thank you for home. For the way that you stretch me when I'm here, but also for the way that you comfort me in the understanding of your perfect plan. Amen, amen, amen!
"Sweet Disposition" -The Temper Trap.
Philippians 4:7
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